dirty-joose stankhausen

This blog has primarily been about cake but right now it is about some awful, awful shit. Tonight, as I do some nights, I ate at Stevenson, one of many campus dining halls at Oberlin. I looked up the menu in advance and decided, "Sure, this might be okay." Here is the menu. Annotated.

You might notice that there is moussaka listed at the bottom. Moussaka is not my favorite Greek food, but it is Greek food at least so usually better than not-Greek food. I was a little sketched out because there was a strange skin on top of it that I attributed to the potato starch crusting but now I'm not so sure. Below is a picture of this moussaka right before I threw it violently into the trash. 

All the moussaka I've ever had has consisted of eggplant, bechamel and meat. I can accept the lentils as a substitute for meat---actually, the five lentils hiding shamefacedly beneath the blanket of instant mashed potatoes were pretty good. All five of them. But never in my life have I had carrots, potatoes and zucchini in my damned moussaka and I would like to keep it that way. [note: apparently wikipedia says that moussaka can contain the above ingredients. Fuck wikipedia.] The whole damn thing was absolutely tasteless and there wasn't even any fucking eggplant to distract myself with. Apparently the eggplant was balls, too, according to a friend of mine who suggested a grilled cheese with tomato. I ended up eating a plateful of melons and a bite of some bullshit pie.

This was quite possibly the worst thing I have ever put in my face. This was like leftover night at my mother's house if she ever went insane (more insane?) and forgot what salt and spices were like. This was like being given your favorite candy and having it taste like clorox and anal lube. This was like being ass-raped in the face. I usually defend the campus dining services because generally the food is better here than most places, and you do have many choices, but no more. I think I permanently hate food now, thanks to that moussaka. 

I can't even be bothered to be funny because this food was that goddamn bad. I guess I am effectively a fruitarian these days because that's all I can stomach.

Also, carrots are fucking nasty. That is all. 

PS- regarding the notes on the first picture---I was a bit amazed at the concept of a turkey chop, and even though I'm trying to munch roots and leaves mostly these days, I probably should have gone with it. There are no turkeys in Asia, though. At least not naturally. Fuck.

I GOT SOME MOTHERFUCKING CAKE!!!!

Today still sucks, and tomorrow will suck, and the next day will suck, and then Saturday will also suck because it involves a ten hour car ride, BUT:

I GOT CAKE!!!


It wasn't the best cake ever, but it was okay cake. Fuck, any cake is better than no cake. Except grocery store birthday cake where you have to surgically excise the icing (which consists largely of Crisco and sugar) and then you don't enjoy the cake part anyway. You poke at the icing in a desultory fashion and squoosh it on your plate and try eating little bites of it, but nothing changes the fact that it is bullshit icing and is made of hydrogenated fuck-you.

Here is a picture of my cake. There is also a pear, because I fucking love pears almost as much as I love cake.

Here is a close up of the cake that I ate.

You will notice that it looks like two pieces of cake because it is. I realized this three bites into it. I took off the top piece and ate that with my hands and then saved the bottom piece for later. This was good cake. I left it on the festive paper Thanksgiving plate because I didn't feel like it deserved glass as it appeared to be bullshit cake, but it was not bullshit cake. It had nuts and raisins, and was nicely spiced...all it was missing was carrots and cream cheese frosting and then it would have been The Best Cake, but I'm not bitching. The frosting appeared to be homemade as well, as it had kind of a shitty texture, but at least it wasn't made of Crisco and hate.

UPDATE: You may have been wondering where I got cake. Well, I think this upgrades it from good cake to pretty good cake, because I did not have to leave the house. My mother brought it back from some drunken golf-lady party, and left it for me on the counter.  cake - effort= pretty good cake. (but, cake^groceryStore=bull*shit)